Torture and Guilty Pleas: Where Did It Start and Why Isn’t Anyone Talking About It?

In the last weeks, there were news stories about 6 White police officers torturing 2 Black men in Mississippi, covering it up, being caught and pleading guilty to charges in court. It was a field day for the news outlets for clicks with words and topics like race, torture, cover up etc. The story was quickly eclipsed by other national news. I feel stories like these are a chance to have conversations about race and prejudice in the United State, but our news outlets do not focus their stories like that. In this case, the perpetrators were pleading guilty so justice served. The End. But that shouldn’t be all of the story. Where did it start and how can we prevent it from happening again?

Where did it start is as complicated as race is to the United States and as long as human history. However, where did THIS incident start. Most would say it started when the racist police officers decided the Black men were guilty with no proof. However, that is not where it started. CNN’s article, “Tasers, taunts, torment: How 6 White officers subjected 2 Black men to hours of grueling violence, and then tried to cover it up“, has one line that mentions where it started. The article states, “McAlpin’s White neighbor had told him several Black men were staying at a White woman’s home there and reported seeing suspicious behavior.” What suspicious behavior? What behavior or actions put these two men on the radar of the police? Why was it suspicious? There is no additional information or deep diving into the beginning of this incident.

I can guess at the suspicious behavior. It was two Black men going about their everyday business in a primarily White neighborhood. There was nothing suspicious. It was different. We are taught to look out for things that are different and call them suspicious, “See something, say something” from the events of 9/11 or Stranger Danger from the 80’s and 90’s. These types of programs help anyone except to convince us to be scared of different. In fact, studies have shown Stranger Danger doesn’t keep kids safer. It only teaches them to be scared of different.

In this case, a neighbor saw men going in and out of an adjacent house they didn’t own. They probably noticed this multiple times. The neighbors probably gossiped about it. They probably collectively decided that this is different, not right and I am scared. And then finally brought it to the police officer who lived in the neighborhood an the events followed.. Why did no one go and talk to the owner of the house? Why did no one casually say “Hi” to the men and engage them in conversation? That’s easy, they were scared. The neighbors jumped to conclusions based on their indoctrination. In this case, Black men don’t belong here. Black men are drug dealers and criminals. Black men are bad. However, if we don’t talk about how our indoctrination and unconscious biases, then it doesn’t change.

I understand where the neighbors were coming from. As a white woman raised in the 80’s and 90’s, I was indoctrinated through media, society and the white suburb I lived in to fear Black men. I was taught in women defense classes and reading articles to cross the street when a single man is walking towards me especially at night. It was never explicitly said but was implied this was for men of color. My parents are lovely people but have their own prejudices and subconsciously via word and action passed those onto me. That is unconscious bias and we are ALL guilty of it. My stomach still clenches at the site of a big, solitary Black man in an unexpected location walking towards me. At least now, I recognize it and can address it. And I know that what I was taught isn’t correct. I can give a friendly hello instead of a slight by crossing the street. However, if your unconscious biases are not pointed out to you, and you don’t have an opportunity to reflect inward, nothing changes.

As millions are engrossed in the juicy details, there is no discussion of the biases and assumptions that led the neighbors to report these Black men. There is no discussion of how everyday activities are perceived as suspicious. We all need to examine are biases but first we have to be aware of them. This type of story could give us a chance but no one did. The perpetrators pleaded guilty. Justice served. THE END. Unfortunately, that is not THE END as the prejudices still exist and normal activities look “suspicious” because we aren’t talking about it.

NOTE: I am a busy working mother. I did not read everything on this incident, and I limit my social media time. It is possible this is being discussed outside my sphere of influence.

An Amazing Family Summer Trip Part 2

Our second stop was Rapid City, South Dakota. We visited Badlands National Park, Mount Rushmore, Minuteman Missile National Historic Site, Wind Cave National Park, Jewel Cave National Monument and WaTiki Indoor Waterpark. July 4th, also, fell this week.

7/5/2023

  1. Southern South Dakota is a lot greener than I remember as a kid.  They’ve had rain or it is early in the season and all the grasses are green.  I remember miles of brown from childhood.
  2. My husband is remarkably prejudice and a number of these he has gained as his income has increased.   He even acknowledges some of them to an extent but has no desire to limit or undo them.   I have my own set also and have found it interesting in the last few years as I am acknowledging them and for some having to set aside unraveling them because I can only do so much and that is okay.   We all have prejudices, both conscious and unconscious, and I find the unconscious ones the most harmful.  For me acknowledging them, even if I don’t have the bandwidth to unravel them, reduces the harm to others and what I am passing onto my kids, or at least I hope so.
  3. Oh my god, it is tough working full time and doing childcare full time even with the older kids.  I am understanding why my two years of homeschooling during the pandemic were so stressful.  Somewhere in here, I thought there would be more time to do nothing, but all my nothing time is my job. This is enlightening because when my husband suggests, we go on vacation and I can just work while on vacation, I have a knee jerk of “No, I don’t want to do that”.  And I have a hard time explaining to him why that doesn’t work for me.  He typically has “solutions,” but they don’t work for me.   I need to plan out my responses to him when he suggests this or maybe need to draw a boundary and hold it on what I do and what he does so that we can make something like this work. I need to think about this a lot more so those conversations can be more connecting.
  4. The fireworks were freaking unbelievable.  I have never been somewhere where fireworks are legal to purchase and set off yourself. In the neighborhood where we stayed, they were and our host even said it was okay if we bought some and set them off.   We did a few.  There were fireworks going off for 2 hours and not just the little tiny ones.  It was so over the top. 
Bighorn Sheep in Badlands National Park

Our next stop was West Yellowstone, Montana. We visited Yellowstone National Park, Grand Teton National Park, Grizzly and Wolf Discovery Center and John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Memorial Parkway.

7/15/2023

  1. Yellowstone is magnificent.  If you’ve never been, go and stay for awhile.  See all the tourist things with the crowds and then get off the beaten path.  Don’t forget Grand Teton.  I wish we had more time here. 
  2. We need more space.  We ended up in a 2 bedroom hotel cabin with kitchenette and 6 people and two dogs.  Like other husbands, my husband somehow expects the kids to be silent during work hours and keeps yelling at them when they aren’t.  They are kids.   For this location, there was nowhere else to go when we were both working.
  3. Kids really don’t need screens.  We have driven over 2500 miles, and they have used the screens in the car for 4 hours total and haven’t actually asked for them too much.  They have stared out the window, listened to music, made up games, colored and only occasionally gotten too loud.  I find they are better behaved when not on screens.  (The oldest has additional screen time, and he has milked every minute.)
  4. When we stopped in St. Louis we went to our first shop with souvenirs.  3 of the 4 found something they really wanted but one was wandering the store trying to find something so he wasn’t left out.  I assured him he didn’t have to force it and could find something at the next shop.  This has led to a rotation, you can’t get something until everyone has found something from the previous round.  This came to a head today when a 7 year old really wanted to buy a stuffed animal.  However, the 12 year old had not bought something from the previous round and wasn’t with us so the answer was no.  This led to the pout face, “Come on Mom, I am so cute,” and the melting down.  I listened and emphasized with her and told her we would see the animals again at later stops.  I also realized she was likely hungry as she didn’t eat much lunch and that was 50% or more of the melt down.  Held her through being sad and off to the exhibits we went.  Biggest hit on souvenirs so far is the Dinosaur encyclopedia.  They made up an new game.
  5. Chipmunks can be aggressive. In Grand Teton at their most popular hike, one jumped on a 7 year old’s leg and started climbing up looking for a hand out. She came back down the trail in tears, scared of chipmunks. (I was behind with the slower kids so wasn’t there.) I’d be scared too. As she was explaining what happened through tears, I couldn’t understand and was in disbelief until I go to the top and saw the chipmunks. Don’t feed the wildlife.