Category: Motherhood

Posted on in Consciousness, Motherhood, Parenting

Who Am I?

Who Am I? Through my awakening, this is a question that comes up a lot. I am so buried from my conditioning that I don’t know who I am. And it scares me. Is there anything there? Will I like me? Am I worthwhile? What is me verse my conditioning or my egos? There are many anecdotical stories of parents, mom’s in particular, whose kids are off to college, and they are in crisis. They gave up themselves, their passions, their relationships for their children and don’t know who they are with their children out of the house. And I don’t want to be in that situation but that is exactly what was happening to me.

And I don’t feel like I am making any strides to discover who I am as I fall back into habits and conditioning. My oldest starts high school in August, and it keeps hitting me, in 4 years my journey with him will drastically change. He is getting more and more independent, making his own decisions and working to find his own path. Exactly as it should be, but what is left for me as he does that, as he doesn’t need me anymore. So I want some direction. I want to know who I am. I want to start thinking about what I want my life to look like after my kids move into adulthood. What do I want to do? What are my passions? Who am I?

As I’ve worked on personal development over the last decade, there are lots of suggestions on how to find yourself, set your goals etc. And as I want that now, I don’t have anyone specific helping to guide me. I’ve have a vague memory of someone at one time having a construct for helping with this but I wasn’t ready and now I can’t remember. So I do what so many of us do, I start looking for another book to guide me. And then I realize, instead of reading and learning, I need to start.

So I am going to start. I am going to start answering the questions I want answered. I am going to remind myself it doesn’t have to be perfect or all encompassing. It is not written in stone, and it can change. But I need to see the answers so I can figure out if it is right for me. So I can set boundaries and goals. So I can be present with life and continue awakening.

Questions:

  1. What is a successful life?
  2. How do I want to feel within my life?
  3. How do I want to feel within my relationships?
  4. How do I see these feelings being expressed?
  5. What are my values?
  6. How do I want to express these values?
  7. What do I want to do to express these values and feelings?
  8. What are goals and activities I want to do within my life?
  9. What are the boundaries that will allow for these feelings and values?

So I am going to answer the questions. One every few days and see what comes. And hopefully that will help lead to Who Am I?

Posted on in Motherhood, Parenting, Travel

First Post – Introduction

I’ve considered writing a blog for some time. A place where I can put thoughts out into the world. I’ve been on a personal journey since I became a mother, 12 almost 13 years ago. When I became a mother, it is what I wanted, and it was so much harder than I thought is was going to be. Then, I had my second child, 10 almost 11 years ago, and I came to the conclusion that motherhood shouldn’t be this hard. I was tired, frustrated, annoyed, resentful all the time. So being a smart, driven woman, I started researching, reading, and taking courses, trying to find the quick cure to all my parenting woes. In the process, I had twins, 7 almost 8 years ago.

And that led me on a journey to where I am now. To understanding that there is no quick cure. That I have been living my life unconscious as dictated by my parental and societal indoctrination. I never questioned what I was told. If it was authority, I did it or believed it. And that in a nutshell, is what made parenting so hard. It is what made my life unfulfilling before I became a parent. And now I am working to unravel that unconscious indoctrination and figure out who I truly am.

All while raising 4 children, working full time, supporting my partner and wanting to make the world a better place.

For the first few posts, I am going to post about our 7 week family trip around the United States this summer. I wrote my observations during the trip for my conscious parenting group. Their comments on those observations helped jumpstart me to actually start the blog.

I hope you enjoy following my awakening to consciousness and that I bring a little good to the world in putting my thoughts out into it.